Structuring 2025 Goals—Best Books for Habit Formation & Motivation

I'll be honest: I started my reading kick on this particular blend of topics thanks to a mix of therapy-induced reflections about hopefully securing a book deal and the way in which that goal has completely sharpened my entire personality.

Personal Goals for 2024

In early 2024, everything I'd been working for started happening, which was phenomenal and also terrifying. I decided I wanted to finally try preventative behavioral therapy as a wellness method of sorts—to treat it like going to the gym. (I have previously been a skeptic, despite knowing many who love and swear by the routine.)

I had a few goals going into it:

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• To have better work-life balance (and separate out my identity from "what I do"
• To be less of a perfectionist (**actually, to be less of a maximizer) and learn to accept "good enough"
• To try to detach myself from the outcome of my book deal journey so that if the book doesn't sell (which is always a possibility, despite all of MOUNTAIN SOUNDS's success thus far), I'm not totally wrecked.
• And then, on a personal and emotional level, just to regulate myself more evenly when I can't control everything.

As for small things, I wanted to feel comfortable dating again, to be bolder about addressing any personal conflicts, and also just to take setbacks as less of a reflection on myself.

2023 (and Really the Last Few Years) Have Been a Wild Ride

A question game asked me the other day what the most toxic trait in myself that I can admit to is. I gave that a lot of thought, actually, because I of course have many flaws and like to think I'm decently self-aware.

This isn't the one I journaled about, but I have realized that a pro and con of myself is that I genuinely believe I can do anything I set my mind to. For one, I test in the 99th percentile of grit—essentially, your willingness to stick to the pursuit of long-term goals. I want excellence. I hold myself to ridiculous standards of success and morality and all that jazz, so tend to beat myself up quite a bit for mistakes. (Which also is why I recently read a lot about stoicism.)

One of my favorite compliments from college said as much (and is totally narcissistic/self-centered of me to share, but then again, so is not-so-humbly sharing a personality testing score)—at Windfall one night, our bonfire haunt, a group of guys I was friends with said that they'd always admired that I'd just decide to do something and go do it.

I've treasured that idea forever, and try to be as active as possible in my own life. I have very little patience for people who don't take accountability—but, and this is key, I'm learning to figure out what feels like an "excuse" versus what is actually "giving myself grace." In 2024, I at one point said that I felt like I was making too many excuses, but I think it was actually the latter.

At a certain point, grit and happiness start to test each other, although it's also shown that commitment to a pursuit builds the kind of long-term joy and confidence that you can't really manufacture elsewhere. That dedication is a cornerstone of my personhood, but I'm learning more about kindness to myself in the margins of it.

It's so obnoxious to list it out, but I really had to compress it all to see how much I'd leveled up in a given year, so here's the Notes app reflection from 2023.

Last year (in 2023), I:

• Beat <0.06% odds to get a literary agent.
• Left that agency when I realized it wasn't the right fit.
• Rewrote a 95K word book.
• Read 130+ books.
• Started the blog redesign.
• Declared my LLC and successfully (ahh!) ran my own business. (Technically, I'm a CEO.)
• Got published in The Wall Street Journal for the first time.
• Officially entered travel writing for publications, and went on first international press trips.
• Traveled to Aruba, Costa Rica, Iceland, Canada...
• Went on first solo vacation!
• Lived in Park City and Hawai'i.
• Had mostly repeat clients and commissions.
• Hit 10K followers on Instagram, with a few videos hitting 1M+ views.
• Maxed out retirement funds and also invested [redacted.]*
• Was consistently active and largely happy.
• "Hopefully was kind/thoughtful despite the year being kind of a self-centered one."

*Nowadays, I think financial stability and the ability to be creative are so interwoven that it's naïve to talk about the latter without acknowledging its reliance on the former concept, even if it's maybe "impolite." So I'll always chat about the money consciousness or try to be transparent where I can about how I make professional creativity work, which risks I calculate, and the privilege that's allowed me to even build a (for now) workable system.

So all in all, I'm a brat who's being a little bitch to myself about accomplishments.

This year (in 2024), I:

• Rewrote a 95K+ word book (hahahhahaha). See: Sisyphus.
• Edited and revised another three times (in smaller rounds.)
• Built <0.06% odds again to secure new literary (& film) representation at William Morris Endeavor, the longest-running talent agency in the world.
• Contributed travel stories to Lonely Planet, Food + Wine, Well+Good, Hotels Above Par, The Quality Edit, and more. (So I should start fully calling myself a travel writer too.)
• Got (and eventually left) a contract at Travel + Leisure.
• Had mostly repeat clients.
• Redesigned, oversaw the development of, and launched the new Words Like Silver.
• Traveled to the Dominican Republic, Mexico (twice), Scotland, Amsterdam, Paris, and Park City for work, among others.
• Went on first brand trip vs. press trip—a new feel, and a cool experience for different reasons.)
• Was really good at sticking to an activity regimen and building muscle in a concentrated way.
• Started going to therapy!
• Moved into my first solo apartment.
• Was wayyyy more social and better at "turning off" when with others.
• Went on real dates too and was actually "emotionally available" for the first time in a while, woo.
• Read 120+ books. Expanded my taste more.
• Transferred and updated 100+ book reviews from the old site.
• Started the first draft of my newest book, SUN GUILT.
• Ran business, etc,. (See above.)

That being said, there were moments in this year in which I absolutely tanked. In June, I was pulling straight all-nighters to get deadlines done and finish my book revision, so I was pretty miserable. At any given time, I have essentially been working multiple jobs. In college, my boss also told me that "there is burning the candle at both ends and chucking the whole thing in the fire and you do the second," so I've also been wrestling with how best to navigate burnout and great expectations. (Also, I wrote that line into my book because it is a phenomenal concept.) Plenty of limits are self-imposed, but some of them are also literally time and sleep and health, so idk.

Still, although I'm not always happy, I am always satisfied with my trajectory and how it ties into my broader purpose. For better or for worse, I've always roughly known who I am and why I'm here (although I of course never stop existentially musing about it.)

“'I am going to make everything around me beautiful—that will be my life.' —Elsie de Wolfe.”

I Love the Habit Structures and Blank Slate of a New Year—and Yes, Atomic Habits Is Good

Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Release Date: October 16, 2018
Publisher: Avery Publishing Group
Format: eBook
Source: Library

James Clear, one of the world's leading experts on habit formation, reveals practical strategies that will teach you exactly how to form good habits, break bad ones, and master the tiny behaviors that lead to remarkable results.

If you're having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn't you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don't want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Here, you'll get a proven system that can take you to new heights...

Learn how to:

• make time for new habits (even when life gets crazy);
• overcome a lack of motivation and willpower;
• design your environment to make success easier;
• get back on track when you fall off course;

...and much more.

Atomic Habits will reshape the way you think about progress and success, and give you the tools and strategies you need to transform your habits—whether you are a team looking to win a championship, an organization hoping to redefine an industry, or simply an individual who wishes to quit smoking, lose weight, reduce stress, or achieve any other goal.

It's definitely sitting on a 16-week waitlist at your local library considering the time of year, but I beg of ye: do not buy this one from Amazon. But I digress.

Although Atomic Habits by James Clear is on every bookshelf and in airport display, it's for good reason. He writes clearly and accessibly, balancing insights with actionable items that feel solid without veering too corny. So it's been a very helpful book for many people, including myself.

In the book, he talks about how certain milestones are better for snapping your brain into openness to new routines and habits. We love fresh starts. Beginning of weeks, months, etc,. Years, especially.

Habit-wise, I'm really good at sticking with something and "not breaking the chain" once I'm in the zone. For example, I'll go maybe two months without finishing a book and then read daily. If I'm running every day, I'll run every day until I stop.

I feel this way about morning momentum too, although ya girl loves a lazy A.M. too. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. A basic, universally applicable principle.

So I absolutely adore the blank slate of a New Years Resolution, and the guilt-free refreshment of the calendar rolling over. I'm not a big NYE person myself (for the past few years, I've done a champagne toast and an early bedtime to start the year "off right" because I'm superstitious to boot), but I absolutely love how inspired I am in January and beyond before the toils and troubles of reality set in.

And Then the Real Question—What Is Discipline Actually Doing for You?

Stoicism says to only care about what serves our greater purpose and discard thoughts of the rest. Figure out your philosophy and moral standard and go from there.

The Paradox of Choice tells us we're expending too much energy on decisions in a way that makes us hate our final results, and therefore we should limit what to care about. It recommends forming rules based on what your major goals are.

Grit tells us that longevity only matters in so that it gets us to achieve our top-level goals. Map out the hierarchy. Your top-level goal is basically your meaning of life. Most of what we consider our "big goals" are actually mid-level goals feeding the top one. And then low-level goals can be swapped out as needed in service of the greater good, without degrading your commitment.

And just in time, The Wellness Trap warns us not to fall into the belief that anything touted as "wellness" is actually good for us versus a flash in the pan. Some of these practices and philosophies turn toxic if too engrained, hence—taking the tech bro reading list with a grain of salt. It's a good refresher on framework.

And you can go further into examining yuppie culture and the self-involvement of self-improvement, or read about the vices and hedonism you might be looking to limit, etc,. but in general all of these are great starter books for habit formation and some good ol' January inspiration that will serve most folks without triggering the addictive need to optimize everything nonstop.

Analyzing My 2025 Goals

I have ambitious goals for 2025 achievements, for sure. When I mapped out the goal framework, it looked a little something like this.

Grace gets philosophical about desire.

THE TOP-LEVEL PHILOSOPHY

I really do think the intersection of what I'm passionate about and what I'm good at — my through-thread to be gritty about, so to speak — is in channeling and translating aesthetics that make people (and me, of course) feel better and more connected (awe, meaning, etc,.) It's why I say that generally, my writing's filtered through a framework of the psychology of aesthetics—using my awareness of beauty and emotion for good.

It's why I love to travel and to write and to read, and generally I think it makes me see the world through a lens of gratitude. To me, there are few better feelings than when someone articulates an idea or observation you've never seen put into words (or any media) before—or didn't even know could be translated in that way.

I didn't know it at the time when I started this blog in 2011, but I actually discovered my little seventh-grader business cards from then and I put an F. Scott Fitzgerald quote on the back that touts the same philosophy. Now, I'm just more aware of it—and recognize it in more than lit.

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

So: continuing on my mission.

SOME CONCRETE/PROFESSIONAL GOALS

• I do finally want that damn book deal (major, pls, with film rights attached ideally and maybe a ten-plus-house auction if I'm being greedy).
• I want to write my next (and hopefully a sequel to MOUNTAIN SOUNDS, if I could be so lucky.)
• I want Words Like Silver to earn the design investment back, and to have readers fund my work because they love it so I can spend more time working on here.
• I want to continue building my reputation as a respected travel and lifestyle journalist and go absolutely everywhere I can, and write love letters to those places.
• & the usual stability, ambition, etc,.

THE PERSONAL IDEALS

I'll write a post another time about random bucket list items and travels I have floating around in my brain, but for now: I realized that most of my goals have to do with constantly just trying to be a better, kinder, more zoomed-out person.

It sounds incredibly corny, but I have realized the extent to which being "good" is important to me. I've definitely had moments of hurt this year, but those setbacks have also just made me examine the cost/benefit of living optimistically and decide to do it anyway. The positive framework is good for us, evolutionarily—which, again, belongs to another far-too-long post.

I do think I'm already kind and do see the good in everyone and try to be helpful, but of course, it's a constant process, especially in years in which my personal ambitions have maybe overshadowed my awareness of others more than I want.

"Think less" is also on there, but I mean more in the Stoic sense of "stop dwelling on whatever you can't control."

A sign at camp, and also my phone background.

In many ways, it's that simple.

All the Little Scheduling Brainstorms That Can Help

THINGS I DON'T LIKE THAT I'M DOING AT THE MOMENT

• Sometimes, I go the entire day consumed by my projects and look up at night to realize I haven't left the house. (An under-desk treadmill is my lifesaver.) I live in paradise, so I'm being an idiot.
• I sometimes do my fun work and not my real work first (burnout is a factor of this 2024 tendency specifically) and then have to stay up late to finish my obligations, which then messes up my preferred morning-person schedule. (There's a line here, and I've realized that setting a timer gets me best of both worlds.)
• I love the North Shore, but I've been so much worse about exploring other parts of the island than when I lived in town, so I need to get myself out of Waialua more.

A.M.

• getting up early (method: be better at sleep hygiene)
• and being off my phone then (method: walk)
• moving and getting out of the house first in the day (method: walk)
• going deep work before email (method: timer, Pavlovian headphones, finishing deadlines earlier)
• please for the love of God, have a real meal (method: sheer force)

P.M. (Afternoon)

• actually take a genuine lunch break and go out to the beach (method: schedule it?)
• finish all deadlines by actual log-off (method: plan ahead for quotes/picks/action items from other people in a better way)
• schedule hobby practice times (instrument, art/drawing, etc,.)
• sign up for exercises on opposite areas of the island (climbing gym, ballet) and reconnect with those aspects of myself
• find a volunteer opp of some kind nearby?

P.M. (Evening)

• make a real meal (noticing a theme here) and build recipes
• plan social for other days of the week (method: ask friends ahead)
• see sunset if I can
• closing shift of cleaning / getting dishes and clothes put up immediately (method: set a timer)
• no artificial light after like 9 p.m. (book, candlelight, red light, etc,.)
• take melatonin or have tea early enough if I can tell I'm too restless to sleep (method: set a timer)
• set alarm on clock instead of phone

We love timers in this household.

Anyway, if You're Like I Am—Happy January.

I hope you've had a fulfilling 2024 like I have, even if you've also been going through it. Upcoming on the blog, I have some fun year-end summaries like my best books of 2024, my best non-books of 2024, an analysis of my Spotify Wrapped (hahahaa), and other various psychological and philosophical kicks. I'll probably share a love letter to a planner or two, plus some tidbits for writing routines and revision strategies for those following a similar trajectory, etc,. For now, pick up one of the books in the sidebar for your dose of pithy inspirations.

May the rest of our lives be the rest of our lives, etc,. etc,.

This is actually from the night college got canceled in 2020, but my point stands for NYE too.