How to Age Disgracefully by Clare Pooley

A senior citizens’ center and a daycare collide with hilarious results in the new ensemble comedy from New York Times-bestselling author Clare Pooley.

When Lydia takes a job running the Senior Citizens’ Social Club three afternoons a week, she assumes she’ll be spending her time drinking tea and playing gentle games of cards.

The members of the Social Club, however, are not at all what Lydia was expecting. From Art, a failed actor turned kleptomaniac to Daphne, who has been hiding from her dark past for decades to Ruby, a Banksy-style knitter who gets revenge in yarn, these seniors look deceptively benign—but when age makes you invisible, secrets are so much easier to hide.

When the city council threatens to sell the doomed community center building, the members of the Social Club join forces with their tiny friends in the daycare next door—as well as the teenaged father of one of the toddlers and a geriatric dog—to save the building. Together, this group’s unorthodox methods may actually work, as long as the police don’t catch up with them first.

Why I Picked It Up

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When I picked up this one in the fall, I was looking for something lighthearted. Plus, I love the elderly. I was very close with my grandmother before she passed, and she had so much humor and wisdom. I wear a ring with her name Jane on it, and I had the privilege of delivering her eulogy.

Anyway, I think a lot about the populations we don't afford enough dignity (like children, as well) and what it means to show the proper respect to someone's personhood. There's a reason why nursing homes and at-home care can fill aging populations with so much distress; losing independence bit-by-bit (and an overall sense of autonomy) can be terrifying.

Overall, we can get philosophical about all my aging hang-ups, but overall I just wanted a cute, pleasant read to pass the time.

The Plot

Admittedly, I'm not sure the plot itself carries all that much weight. The elderly social club banding together to save their community center, and that's sweet. It's more about the internal conflicts, however. An elderly man who starts shoplifting since he's invisible out in public anyway. A stern older woman avoiding her colorful past.

If you ever saw the trailer for the movie Red as a kid, the premise or opening feels similar: the cops having pulled over a getaway car of his ratley crew and trying to figure out what exactly what happened. I love a good record scratch, freeze frame type framing for a book like this: an enjoyable romp. And the framing is effective!

Characters

Like I said, the strength of this book is in its characterization, and each figure feels sympathetic.

We have Ziggy, who's trying to keep his kiddo healthy and also has a crush; to finish school as a teen father is hard. We have Arthur, who's starting to spiral over how little control he feels he has over his own life. Daphne, his rival, who has a secret that's starting to unravel. And Lydia, who's constantly berated by her husband, and ends up finding solace in this group of rascals.

I've only seen a few episodes of Only Murders in the Building, but I can imagine the overall vibe is similar. It's also similar in part to Shrinking. Psychologically, people tend to get more set in their ways as they age, which means aspects of stubbornness or emotional walls tend to solidify right as they become more reliant on others. The agentic shift and the vulnerability—particularly those who have never practiced vulnerability—can be rattling. Naturally, there's a lot of conflict baked into that, but so often, young sympathy veers into condescension.

The book overall is wholesome in a way befitting of Katherine Center, but not quite so deeply detailed. The combination has some humorous details for levity here and again. I don't often laugh out loud at books but I did have some moments of amusement, which is just enough for me. I'd say the pacing lagged for me, but I overall found it pleasant.

How to Age Disgracefully was a solidly middle-of-the-road book for me, a bit of a "chicken soup for the soul" moment. I wouldn't say it's quite as robust or cathartic as Emma Mills or some other affectionate writing I might prefer for this feel, but it is kind, warm, and steady. You can relax into the book, and many people will appreciate its sincerity without feeling it's too saccharine.

Certain moments of unfairness and invisibility felt especially powerful to me. The sense of frustration was pervasive, so the community-building aspect was enormous. There are a lot of conversations going on right now culturally about friction and village-building pointing out the ways in which aspects of modern convenience culture have disintegrated those ties, and made it more difficult for people to form genuine, lasting bonds. That's a much deeper conversation, but the book targets a practically universal question: who will age into loneliness, and why?

A lot of studies about isolation and friendships and similar concepts make this exact point: that we make the older population feel stagnant and powerless in so many situations by being dismissive towards them, which is especially hard to those who pride themselves on never needing anyone. The book felt true in how those individuals act out, harden, soften, etc,. and the combination and tensions were great albeit quiet.

Overall Thoughts

How to Age Disgracefully definitely a more muted read, but it is amusing (sometimes veering into the absurd), so I think it's a great pick. It reminded me some of Right on Cue by Falon Ballard in feel: like a Hallmark movie, but less cheesy.

So that was the winner for the mood I was in. Funny, sweet, easy, light, but with enough substance to hold its weight as a conversation too. I probably wouldn't buy myself, but would absolute check out again from the library because I'm glad I read it. I'm a quick reader, but I still felt this book would be pretty speedy for anyone.

For fans of:

Red (movie), Only Murders in the Building (TV), Shrinking (TV), Right on Cue by Falon Ballard, Lucky Caller by Emma Mills, How to Walk Away by Katherine Center.