Buzzed by Cynthia Kuhn, Scott Swartzwelder, Wilkie Wilson

Fully updated, this matter-of-fact handbook includes the most recent discoveries about drug use, including new information on electronic smoking devices, abuse of prescription stimulants, and the opioid crisis. "Lively, highly informative, unbiased, [and] thorough" (Addiction Research & Theory), Buzzed surveys drugs from caffeine to heroin to reveal how these drugs affect the body, the different "highs" they produce, and the circumstances in which they can be deadly.

Neither a "Just Say No" treatise nor a "How to" manual, Buzzed is based on the conviction that people make better decisions with accurate information at hand.

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Why I Picked It Up

I actually read this book in 2020, but it's been on my mind this year because I've been trying to be proactive about addressing my most salient flaws and blindspots. In my attempt to be less of a perfectionist and reduce my need for control (and, you know, boost my emotional intelligence), I've gone to therapy before I felt like I "needed" it, read various philosophies, and mulled over the role that unconscious influences and other people have on our moods and behaviors. I've considered time of day and proportion of routine vs. novelty that best engages my brain. When do I feel best? When am I most productive? What do I want from the rest of my twenties? When should I give myself grace to be a little idiotic versus be entirely in line?

As a writer, finding my "fresh eyes" is also a huge part of my work. Or the whole write drunk, edit sober bit misattributed to Hemingway exists for a reason too. I am almost perpetually trying to figure out when I feel most clear, and substances (or the restriction of) are a huge aspect of that balance. Plus—hey, I'm an author. I do need a little life experience to be able to write other people and modes effectively, and that awareness can sometimes make me bolder. I'm constantly trying to figure out the triggers that jolt my brain into other modes or perspectives. I tend to be on the skittish side of substance use, by the way, so veer towards not participating beyond a glass of wine, but my drunk/high/OOO self is just as real as the sober one so it's nice to know more about how everything might affect me.

Content & Writing

What I genuinely do love about this book is that it's accurate in that it's non-judgmental. The book itself covers a variety of substances, with a short chapter on each one that takes you through its origin, historical use, relevant developments, short-term effects, long-term effects, and any other info that you might need. It's clear, interesting, and relatively engaging. Super effortless to get through, even if you just pick it up and skim or use it for reference. Parents, no fear; it's not encouraging substance use either. It's pretty neutral, but just wants to present the facts, which is probably the best way to go about it anyway.

For that reason, I think it would make an amazing gift to anyone you're close enough to in high school or college—or whenever the giftee is entering the period in which they're sort-of figuring out what's comfortable to them. I know plenty of kids who went off the rails partying because they started from a place of complete ignorance, and I myself definitely did not hold my liquor well at the beginning.

(I was also terrified of anything other than alcohol, because I feared permanently messing up my brain. I eventually realized that there are many things we will do to mess up our brains, but I still feel better equipped to pick my poison—literally—because of this book. In the past five years or so since I read Buzzed, I've thought about it dozens of times.)

It's not just about the wild ones either. It does talk about caffeine and alcohol, but it also talks about heroin and ecstasy and shrooms with a fair, balanced discussion of a bunch of thoughtful factors. It's structured neatly and easy to follow. It's pretty entertaining too.

Reflections in 2024

My ideal level of clarity likely depends on what I need from my situation. Socially or romantically, I'm pretty shy—so being drunk or a little out-of-body might be helpful in loosening me up. I'd normally regret being "stupid" (translation: actually talkative or outgoing) the next day, but I'm getting better at it.

When working, I use my Adderall prescription and some caffeine to crystallize me, and am grateful for having the assistance that lets me focus (and fall asleep more easily at night, because I've cleared out the mental clutter!) I remember hating in college how people would make the "I was blackout, I didn't mean it" excuse; obviously, being intoxicated puts you out of control of some of your facilities—which is sometimes forcibly needed—but it's still a version of you; you're still autonomous, and you whatever thought you articulated still independently crossed your mind. (I used to be a drunk texter, but have largely kicked the habit; my apologies to my college ex.)

Anyway, long story short: I've been mulling over the spectrum of clarity to buzz lately, and how to embrace the variations of myself that I'm less comfortable with. My senior year of college, I was sober (because of said need for control.) Nowadays, with a (slightly more) relaxed grip on my perfectionism, I'm a little more comfortable feeling "vulnerable" by being under the influence in front of somebody, but it still has me thinking how everyone has something in their system, or an imbalance, and how we are constantly, constantly trying to correct our chemical levels whether that's by drinking coffee to wake up*, engaging in activities that release specific neurotransmitters, chugging mocktails that claim to relax you in a way similar to alcohol, or sipping margs, or doing shrooms. Everyone has a vice, but what's the level that you specifically can and should handle? Of course, the line is different for everybody.

As I also try to open up to people more readily, substances (legal ones—promise, Mom and employers!) can be a useful tool in practicing not being constantly as responsible for every single aspect of what I'm doing/thinking/feeling at a given time. Sure, I've been thinking a lot about autonomy and base a lot of my sense of self on being a person with a high level of control over myself, but loss of control is also...good for my personality type, probably? Good socially? (But that's a conversation for my review of Drunk by Edward Slingerhand, which deals with the role and history of alcohol specifically.) All in all, I've been thinking about vulnerability and attachment and control, and how it actually might be stronger to let the walls down a little sometimes.

My senior year of college, I also thought a lot about how people only felt "allowed" to do certain things while under the influence: confess emotions, text that person, dance without care, go to that specific frat house. Challenging myself to do all those things completely dead sober gave me a lot of confidence and made me more emotionally secure in some ways because I didn't flinch away anymore. I didn't use the veil of a buzz as a way to deflect. Yes, I meant to do that. Felt good.

In the writer and creative cliché way, it's helpful for me sometimes to get unstuck by turning my brain upside down or forcibly yanking myself into a different mode of existence. But I also know that I can absolutely screw myself over by changing my state when I'm starting from a bad, doubtful, or uncertain mood. (I'll forever remember the awful high of taking an edible for medical reasons when I messed up my shoulder and my grandmother was in hospice; it worked to relax my fucked-up muscles, but I was staring at my quesadilla in my childhood home trying not to spiral around my parents.) So when in doubt, I opt for complete sobriety when I hit a line of being very not-okay.

My standard recently changed because I decided to try going on a prescription medication that completely wiped my tolerance. I have a couple sips and I am tipsy. It makes me eat less and clench my jaw more and all that jazz, so then I'm potentially looking to correct its side effects with other substances which then have other side effects, etc,. etc,. It really is weird and wild and disorienting to me that one pill can change my mind and instincts in noticeable ways, and I'm still deciding what I think about the concept. An experiment, for sure. It does give me a lot of faith in realizing that we are all ways more mutable and adaptable and capable than we think, and so we really can make anything happen for ourselves even if we feel stuck in something. You can will yourself into just about any changes, and your mind can follow the patterns that you give it. (Like I said, I'm an optimist.)

So shifting my baseline has taken a little adjustment. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about brain chemistry and how it varies so much from person to person especially genetically. For example too, I know addiction runs in my family on my dad's side; he broke the chain by going cold-turkey sober, but still warned us to be careful of our consumption habits.

How each of us figure out what we can balance out chemically versus how much we should just let things run their course under the assumption that we're in "complete control" at all times. What's from our bodies and what's just us? What should you do when you want a specific mode of self? When do you feel like you most know someone else, or like they're most authentically themselves? Know thyself and all.

*And even then, people will say the timing of this matters because your cortisol levels naturally rise after waking up. So even controlling your neurotransmitters can get tricky!

Related Reading:

wine / Wine Folly by Madeline Puckett and Justin Hammock

sobriety / Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington (not my fave but people love it)

drunkenness / Drunk by Edward Slingerhand

women & alcohol / Girly Drinks by Mallory O'Meara

dopamine / The Molecule of More by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Mike Long

chemistry of connection / The Chemistry Between Us by Brian Alexander and Larry Young

social belonging / Survival of the Friendliest by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods

addiction / The Urge by Carl Erik Fisher

altered states / Altered States of Consciousness by Marc Wittman and Philippa Hurd

Big Pharma / Dopesick by Beth Macy