Waiting on Why We Click by Kate Murphy
Anticipating the 2026 release by the author of WLS favorite You're Not Listening: about synchrony and the people we "get."
Published July 2, 2025
Book: Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony by Kate Murphy
Release Date: January 27, 2026
Publisher: Celadon Books
Why do you immediately click with some people while others just as inexplicably turn you off? Do people emit vibes? Is it possible to read a room? Are bad habits contagious?
Kate Murphy, author of the international bestseller
You’re Not Listening, answers these and other fascinating questions in Why We Click, the first book that explores the emerging science and outsize impact of interpersonal synchrony, the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of. Interpersonal synchrony is the seemingly magical, yet now scientifically documented, tendency of human beings to fall into rhythm and find resonance with one another.
Not only do we subconsciously match one another’s movements, postures, facial expressions, and gestures; recent breakthroughs in technology have revealed we also sync up our heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity. The result is that emotions, moods, attitudes, and subsequent behaviors can be as infectious as any disease, and can have just as profound an impact on our health and well-being.
Interweaving science, philosophy, literature, history, business management theory, pop-culture, and plenty of relatable, real world examples,
Why We Click explains why being “in sync,” “in tune,” “in step,” and “on the same wavelength” are more than just turns of phrase. From the bedroom to the boardroom and beyond, Murphy reveals with characteristic curiosity, concision, and wit how our instinct to sync with others drives much of our behavior and how our deepest desires—to be known, admired, loved, and connected—are so often thwarted in modern life.
It's about time I start spotlighting some upcoming titles too, and getting back into the traditional book blogger sphere of highlighting incoming publisher catalogs. I had a few years in the pipeline in which I didn't request galleys or ARCs—early review copies distributed to reviewers—much at all. Recently, however, I dove back into Netgalley and found some hopeful future favorites.
I'm also going to challenge myself to keep some WLS articles short and snappy, so quick highlights will be a good opportunity. Without further ado, a 2026 title I cannot wait for.
Why I'm Excited for 'Why We Click'
Kate Murphy penned one of my favorite books, which is (by leaps and bounds) the most popular Words Like Silver pick of all time: You're Not Listening. This one singular book recommendation has exponentially grown beyond me; I know classrooms and book clubs and infinite instances of WLS readers loving and recommending this one book (and if that's my singular impact, I would be very, very happy with the WLS legacy.)
I didn't love an op-ed Kate Murphy wrote about pruning friends after COVID, mostly because I thought it veered into a The Art of Gathering-style selfishness about who is constantly, overtly functional to you; I understood and agreed (mostly) with her point that quarantine was perhaps a good opportunity to consider which relationships were most meaningful to you vs. which were simple proximity—but the Devil's advocate in me wanted to point out that plenty of people were suddenly juggling a whole bunch, so it felt a little cruel to consider everyone through the utilitarian "how much value has this person provided to me lately?" lens.
Perhaps that's an ungenerous read of me because I do think she intended to speak more broadly, but the timing felt poor, and I was surprised she was the author. Obviously, there's a point at which you literally just choose who to love (and scientifically that only happens after a certain ratio of positive to negative interactions which dopaminergically depend on them feeding your ego/joy), but I would hope that we would give people a little more grace to be absent or off around then anyway.
But, of course, the thoughtfulness of You're Not Listening is my primary association with the author. Her studies and associations were detailed, fascinating, and clear. The book talks a lot about the relief of having a "good conversation" and feeling heard, and that's largely the feeling you exit the book with—the sensation of having really gotten something. What triggers that? Who actually understands you? What marks a "productive" connection in that way?
As Superbloom points out (and most recently The Influential Mind talking about how we actually change others' minds), there's a point at which we either register the similarities that make us choose to like someone, or we start looking for differences that trigger dislike and a dissimilarity cascade.
So a lot of listening well or clicking with someone is based on the agency of calibrating your POV accordingly. (I think about this a lot in terms of relationships: the choice and readiness baked into deciding what to give salience to: the reasons a connection will work or the reasons it won't. Beyond baseline compatibility, what matters most is that constant decision in what to see and prioritize. We shape both our visions and desires.)
“When you listen and really ‘get’ what another person is saying, your brain waves and those of the speaker are literally in sync.”
I reference and recommend this book all the time, so I'm eager for her January 2026 release, which dives more deeply into the relational aspects of all this (it looks like?)
I talk a lot also about flow à la Why We Swim and groupthink à la Cultish. One of my favorite pieces of evidence for the importance of the arts like singing in a choir or dancing together is that synchronous activities were proven to have similar psychological benefits to antidepressants. I'm also generally fascinated by rhythms, which fits with this.
We feel connected and together without the directness of struggling to communicate, and that "alone together" atmosphere is one I've always loved: quiet understanding. But also taking that one step further into the conversations or moments when you really feel on the same wavelength as someone, which requires doses of both calibration and trust. (Fictionally, a moment like that was one of my favorite scenes in East of Eden by John Steinbeck—a new favorite book.)
So I'm eager for her take, and I'm hoping I'll emerge from Why We Click with a similar catharsis. I now have my review copy in hand, but I'll likely wait a little longer before reviewing it because I'll want to shove it on everyone immediately to discuss it. Maybe I'll host a WLS book club of sorts in January? Soon, though. It'll take every scrap of willpower.
