Books I Got This Week
Why did nobody tell me about the Ala Moana B&N?
Published March 29, 2025
Depending on when you ask me this week, it's been a euphoric one or a rough one. I seem to have landed precisely in that muddled zone of exhaustion accompanying any big accomplishment in which I am too wiped to satisfyingly do anything I'd like to (as unfortunately most of my hobbies feel best when I'm in the zone on them), but feel unbearably, painfully stagnant forcing myself to rest. Liminality's a bitch.
This is when I most precisely feel the sting of wasted time, or the paradox in it: wanting this time to pass, but not wanting to wish my time away either. Such an undercurrent theme of my own book too, which is why I love the electricity of writing along the literary/commercial line.
Anyway, one of my 2025 goals was to spend more time on other areas of O'ahu, so I've found myself driving around more. Climbing gym in town. Ballet in Kaneohe. Out or errands or whatever. Had a friend visit, attended some hotel events, even went on some dates (yes, I am proud of myself for actually going.) Ran into my old roommates from when I lived in town up here, and had such a beautiful full circle moment with them on Sunset Beach, which is easily my favorite spot on island.
It always takes some time to stretch myself out of the instinct of solitude. I've chosen a life purpose with demands that a lot of people don't get. Essentially: emerging out of such an intense period of work or isolation can always be tricky, and I definitely radiate this energy of having been consumed by what I've been up to, which is why I frequently joke I need an exorcism post-book.
Catharsis doesn't seem come in one given moment, but in layers lifting on the tail end. As the fog dissipates, it's started to make me feel raw: painfully aware of each sacrifice I made to do this. People I'm no longer close to, who I've drifted from in the course of doing this last revision the way I needed to (alone.) Logistical, adulthood challenges I have to tackle now as my reward for being on the other side. Even physical pain from muscle tension. Factors of my personality that intensified or crystallized, forged by this process.
There is a cost, and I needed to do it this way. That's grit, baby. But I think a lot about layered cycles vs. fear of regression. I have this sense that I had to give up a lot of ideas about myself—what I thought I'd never let go of—to get this done, which is disorienting.
Which is why I've been thinking frequently about the hero's journey, self-sovereignty, endurance and fatigue, earned beauty, contrast—all themes that reverberate when you finally stop running enough to compare the end and the beginning. Not to get too existential, but what's the book and what's just me as I am now?
People keep telling me to give myself grace. I'd like to think I'm good at giving it to others without end, but I'm remarkably bad at accepting it myself (so recently, have also been thinking about the unevenness of kindness, the guilt and shame of when you're unable to receive it, goodness as active, etc,.
Anyway, the dust is starting to settle and I'm painfully tired. I probably have just enough in me to read right now, ideally at the beach or pool. I can always tell I'm a little broken from a process when even that sounds like too much effort. But in fairness, I was on a massive reading kick and devoured fifty books by the end of February. So. It's okay that it's evened out to a volume that's a bit more "normal."
The Books I Bought at B&N
I'll keep it quick, but I walked into the Ala Moana B&N for the first time and was floored by the selection. I was looking specifically for Sunrise on the Reaping but did some major damage. If you're on island, have been, and didn't tell me about this—how dare you.
- The Urge: Our History of Addiction by Carl Erik Fisher
- How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett
- Red Doc>by Anne Carson
- Exercised: Why Something We Never Evolved to Do Is Healthy and Rewarding by Daniel E. Lieberman
- The Odyssey by Homer (Emily Wilson translation)
- Collide by Bal Khabra
- Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins
No, I had no business buying these but yes, I am thrilled.
For the quickest of breakdowns, I've previously read The Urge and How Emotions Are Made and wanted my own copies (plus, they're excellent for book research re: character psychology.) As noted, the book process has been a very emotional one but I hate feeling any emotion or worse—expressing it to others. Ugh.
In terms of control, I have this theory that suppression versus articulation are two sides of the same coin—creating necessary distance—so I find that getting precise is what lets me shove 'em down (which I talked about in discussing how I create the overall moods of my book.) My walls are often surprising to people who assume I'm more available than I am because I can write about whatever and have no trouble being kind, but I've really been trying to practice being actually "open to others." I’ll be honest and earnest to you, but rarely actually vulnerable. More difficult than one might expect. But I digress.
I've been dying to read more Anne Carson, but never find her stocked. I want to read Eros the Bittersweet too, but Autobiography of Red is one of my absolute favorites so I jumped at the chance to read its companion, Red Doc>. She is so gorgeously synesthetic.
In keeping up with my fatigue / endurance / physicality kick — plus the feedback from a reader that Mountain Sounds is effective for its embodiment — I loved seeing Exercised and snapped it up (ideally to read when on my stationary bike, because ya girl loves an aesthetic.)
To be entirely honest, I picked it up because I thought this was the author of The Molecule of More, which was my favorite nonfiction pick of last year; it turns out that Daniel E. Lieberman and Daniel Z. Lieberman are two different people, but I'm excited to give it a shot.
Recently, I've been obsessing over the skill and beauty inherent in translation (and have been thinking a lot about the impossibility of putting ourselves into words overall.) Emily Wilson's introduction to The Iliad, which I read a few weeks ago, absolutely floored me. I want my own copy, but the store only had The Odyssey stocked, which is next up. (Plus, did I tell you my next zero draft book deals with selkie and siren symbolism?)
While in Québec, I decided I wanted to do as the BookTokers do and pick up a hockey romance. I have to be in a very specific beach read mood to pick up this subgenre of illustrated covers, but devoured Spiral — which I'll review shortly — on the plane alongside some TimBits and a far-too-sugary coffee. Felt right.
There are so many similarly branded books out there, and "spicy romance" is not a language I'm particularly fluent in, so I get overwhelmed trying to pick the right one for some good ol' escapism. Reviewers are very, very good at navigating this space! So knowing an author I really liked is helpful here, and I had to snag Collide. Just a quick, fabulous read that tackled some tropes and threads well.
And of course: Sunrise on the Reaping. This was edited by David Levithan, one of my favorite editors and thinkers in children's publishing, and I immediately asked one of my Scholastic contacts hoping for the impossible. I knew this one would be under lock and key (apparently it sold a whopping 1.5 million copies in its first week—imagine) but it was worth a shot. I specifically hadn't started it yet because I have/had book work and contracts to grind on and needed it as a reward. But now I own it, at least.
Let me know what y'all have been reading lately!
Basically, someone told me—and this was surprising to hear, although it shouldn't be—that Mountain Sounds is effective because it makes you feel in a physical and sensory way i.e. I describe everything within the body and nervous system. So the tension comes from knowing something viscerally before it's named, and ideally that will also make it more immersive to the reader. Which 1) fits with how my main character processes from vigilance in her foster care background 2) has some glorious contrast in what Tatum thinks versus what goes unsaid (what the reader knows) and 3) is very pleasing to me considering that one thing I do in revision is map out each scene by targeting each of the five senses in a "sensory lexicon," which is a strategy I love, but I've never heard of anyone else doing. Will talk about that another time!
